Do you pray with your wife? Hopefully you do. Praying together can greatly enhance your intimacy as a couple. Intimacy that is described as “the two shall become one flesh (Eph 5:31).”
But do you know that you can actually drive a wedge between the two of you with your prayers?
This wedge shows up when you use your prayers to criticize your wife before God. Anytime your prayer begins, “Lord, help my wife…”, then you have the potential for trouble. That potential becomes reality when you end that sentence with a selfish phrase. For example, “Lord, help my wife be more gracious with my mother” or “Lord, help my wife be a better cook” won’t really thrill your wife.
This kind of prayer actually exposes the husband’s own selfish desires. He is not really loving his wife with a servant’s heart. He is asking God to shape his wife so that his life will be easier.
Instead of praying together in that manner, consider these intimacy building prayers.
1. Pray about your own failings and needs with your wife.
This prayer will let your wife know that you desperately need Jesus in your life. In being spiritually vulnerable with your wife, you will also create a safe environment before the Lord for her to do the same. She can then join in praying with you and you with her.
2. Pray for your wife for to have an increasing love for the Lord.
If she is a believer, she will appreciate this prayer just as you will appreciate it when she prays the same for you. It also covers all of the areas of life in which she might need to grow. For example, if her love for the Lord increases, she will have a stronger desire to have a strong relationship with your mother.
3. Ask your wife for one area of her life that she wants you to pray about.
Again, she will dig deeper as you ask for one key area in your life that needs her prayers. If you practice this day after day, you will find yourself praying for your wife in areas of her life that God is already at work. Consistency in this practice will do more for your intimacy level than anything else.
So, don’t use your prayers as an opportunity to criticize your wife. Use your prayers as opportunities for the Lord to shape both of you more and more into his image. When you couple this kind of praying with expressions of gratitude to God for giving you your wife, you will truly be serving your wife with your prayers.